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Encountering refusal, particularly when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. An editor is turning you down, delivering a firm “No.” Being an author, I am familiar with rejection. I began pitching story ideas half a century past, upon completing my studies. From that point, I have had several works rejected, along with book ideas and numerous short stories. Over the past 20 years, specializing in personal essays, the rejections have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I get a rejection every few days—totaling more than 100 times a year. In total, denials over my career run into thousands. At this point, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

So, is this a self-pitying tirade? Absolutely not. Because, now, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted rejection.

How Have I Managed This?

Some context: Now, nearly every person and their relatives has said no. I haven’t tracked my success rate—doing so would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: not long ago, an editor nixed 20 pieces consecutively before accepting one. A few years ago, at least 50 book publishers rejected my book idea before someone gave the green light. Later on, 25 representatives passed on a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor even asked that I send articles less often.

The Steps of Rejection

In my 20s, every no hurt. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my work being rejected, but who I am.

Right after a submission was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, surprise. What went wrong? How could these people be blind to my ability?
• Second, denial. Certainly they rejected the wrong person? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? They’re foolish and their outlet is subpar. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at them, followed by anger at myself. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably seasoned with delusion). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, despair. I lack skill. Worse, I can never become accomplished.

So it went through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Precedents

Certainly, I was in excellent company. Stories of authors whose manuscripts was at first rejected are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was originally turned down. If they could persevere, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his youth squad. The majority of American leaders over the recent history had previously lost campaigns. Sylvester Stallone says that his movie pitch and attempt to star were rejected 1,500 times. For him, denial as a wake-up call to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat,” he has said.

Acceptance

Then, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I achieved the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Currently, I more clearly see the many reasons why an editor says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have recently run a like work, or be planning one underway, or just be thinking about something along the same lines for someone else.

Or, unfortunately, my pitch is not appealing. Or maybe the reader believes I lack the credentials or standing to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the content I am peddling. Maybe didn’t focus and read my submission too fast to recognize its quality.

Feel free call it an realization. Everything can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Many rationales for rejection are permanently beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Others are your fault. Honestly, my ideas and work may occasionally be flawed. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the message I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or an aspect about my grammar, notably commas, was annoying.

The essence is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have achieved recognized. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, the next, a personal story, at retirement age—and more than numerous essays. My writings have featured in newspapers large and small, in regional, worldwide outlets. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now contributed to various outlets for five decades.

Still, no bestsellers, no book signings publicly, no spots on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more readily handle rejection at my age, because my, humble accomplishments have cushioned the stings of my frequent denials. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but only if you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. So what insights have I gained?

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